


Enter: Alternate Adventures

by webhead3019



Category: Rick and Morty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27516067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webhead3019/pseuds/webhead3019
Summary: Enter: Alternate Adventures is a collection of “What If?” scenarios that alter various show moments, thus creating their own realities.





	Enter: Alternate Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In 204: Total Rickall, what if it was Cousin Nicky’s choice of words rather than Mr. Bureaugard’s surprise arrival that came to the rescue?

On board a Fourth Reich U-Boat, Rick Sanchez and Cousin Nicky have been captured by Nazi secret police. Could this be the end of their adventures? Rick warned, “You’ll never get away with this! Haven’t you picked up on the memo already? We kicked your ass once and we’ll gladly do it again!” Ignoring his diversion tactics, the secret policeman in charge had all he needed now. Since he seized the deadly Staff of Rubaba, he can defeat his enemies both up front and afar. With the mystical weapon artifact in hand, the Nazi madly chanted, “Oh Staff of Rubaba— help me destroy America!” Cousin Nicky hollered after him, “Hey! We got a word for Nazis back in Brookyn, pal! It starts with I’m walkin and it ends with here.” Believing he knew just what Nicky was going to say, Rick Sanchez tried to stop him, “Don’t do it, Cousin Nicky. Don’t give him the excuse.” To discourage the two even more so, the officer spat, “I’m comfortable with being called a Nazi. Do you think there is some other word that will hurt my feelings? Think before you talk shit!”

Before the officer could bop his forehead with the gemstone, Cousin Nicky redirected his attention, “Hold up. I’m about to roast your sauerkraut-havin ass harder than you did my ancestors with the acid showers, you Nazi cock suckin pig.” Rick shook his head and muttered in disbelief, “Oh, shit.” Cousin Nicky went off, “I don’t even need the Ark of the Covenant to crack your hard-boiled ass like a yolk, you mini-Fürher daddy-pleaser. When I’m through with ya Mickey Mouse ass, it’s gonna run with its tails between its legs— run back to Romania where it goddamn came from!” Impatiently, the Nazi officer asked, “Ugh, you Yanks. Are you done?” Albeit less sure of himself, Nicky was not done and he proceeded, “Uh... Mel Gibson and Mel Brooks. Both are equally great Mels.” The Nazi sighed with defeat and remarked, “I didn’t like what you just said, but I can admit when I am wrong. You really leave me with no choice. Shalom and Auf Wiedersehen.” Much to the surprise of his hostages, he then took out a revolver to shoot himself point blank with it. The man quite literally blew his own head to pieces.

The Nazi’s skull and brains splattering all over the place, including all over Cousin Nicky’s recently bleached wife-beater. Cousin Nicky loudly responded, “Dumb Nazi. What a prick. Bet you won’t fuckin do that again. Say hi to ya motha for me!” With those pleasantries out of the way, the New Yorker casually wiped the Nazi’s brains off his top and Rick burst hysterically, “Holy shit! Nazi asshole just fucking killed himself.” Rick noticed Nicky’s hand was free to wipe blood and bits of brain off his body, so he exclaimed, “Hold up, you weren’t bound up all this time? What the Hell were you waiting for?” Cousin Nicky paused a second as if considering whether or not this was an appropriate time before standing up to do it anyway. Rick’s eyes got raised as he realized, “Cousin Nicky, you sly fox sonuvabitch. I should have known you would save it for when the moment was right after all.” Rick’s claim received confirmation when Cousin Nicky started doing a walking pelvic thrust over the Nazi’s recently killed corpse and announced, “Hey! I’m waaaalkin here!” Another victory against the Axis Powers secured by Allied Forces, special thanks to real American hero: Cousin Nicky.


End file.
